Arguing for Every Little Thing

Quarreling Flamingos (Photo credit: OnceAndFutureLaura)

 Narrated 'Aisha (Radi-Allahu 'anha):

The Prophet (Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wa Sallam) said

"The most hated person in the sight of Allah is the most quarrelsome person."

Bukhari Vol. 3 : No. 637

If you're like me, you'd just hate to be around someone that quarrels for every little thing. Makes a big deal out of every little thing and starts shouting for the minimum mistake someone does. And if you're like me, you'd hate to be that person or to ever act like him/her at all!

In our global society today, however, we are surrounded and overwhelmed by so much stress that we often find ourselves in silly quarrels. And, unfortunately, those quarrels find their way to our homes of all places. And for us, women, we often unload stress on our husbands. They do the same, of course. But I'm here to talk to my fellow sisters. I want to talk to my fellow sisters about the quarrels we, women, start. Many times it starts with such an insignificant thing as leaving the milk out of the fridge after someone in the household serves himself or herself or not cleaning up after themselves when they eat, etc. We overreact often because of the hard work we have in cleaning the house and after a stressful day outside, at work or at any other place.

Many times these fights and quarrels exist because we are not treating ourselves correctly or we expect perfection from other people and we feel like we should control everyone in the household. We often think that by nagging, repeating and shouting, those people will be better later on and they'll change. But the truth is, we are just putting more stress over our shoulders and we are putting ourselves in a position we don't have to be in. We choose to have more responsibility and exhaust ourselves more than we should. We choose to embrace the profession of supervision over everyone in the household, including our husbands. Yes, it's necessary to have some supervision over our kids, a total one when they are still little children. But does our husband really need that kind of supervision? Is he still going to be loving and caring when the message he gets is that his wife thinks he can't handle things by himself? For sure, this is going to have a negative impact on his self-esteem and, consequently, on the marriage.

The truth is, we do not need to supervise him, nor any other adult for that matter. If you give your husband a chance to make his own mistakes, he'll learn by himself, he'll appreciate your trust in him at all times and he won't see you as his own mother, rather, he'll see you as his wife. And that's who you are. Give the chance for your husband to grow as you do too. If he makes a decision, don't say the decision is silly. Just let him do it and he'll decide after if it was a silly idea or not. You can still give him your opinion, but do not impose your views. Let him consider your thoughts on the matter and then let him decide.

Trust me, this will have a very good effect on your marriage, inshaAllah. ;)