Sunday, May 6, 2012

Should the Husband Listen to His Wife's Advice?

How often do we hear that Muslim women have nothing to say even regarding her own matters? Well, that's why I'm making this post.

Allah says, enjoining kindness towards one's wife:

“and live with them honourably” [Al-Nisa' 4:19]

And the Prophet (salAllahu 'alayhi wa salam) said: “And treat women with kindness, and treat women with kindness.” [Bukhari and Muslim]

And he (salAllahu 'alayhi wa salam) said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his womenfolk, and I am the best of you to my womenfolk.” [At-Timirdhi, classed as saheed by Al-Albani in Saheeh Al-Jaami']

Of course, consulting one's wife and listening to her advice and accepting it is part of living with them honourably and treating them with kindness. It softens her heart and makes her feel that she is playing a role in the family and that she is responsible for her family, especially if the man finds that his wife has wisdom and common sense, and has intuition, and she does not jump to conclusions or let herself be swayed by emotions.

The benefits to be gained by consulting one's wife and accepting her opinion, or not doing so, may vary according to the topic concerning which the wife is being consulted and asked for her opinion: is her emotional nature going to affect her view on this matter or not?

It may also vary according to the nature of each of the spouses and how much wisdom and common sense each of them has.

If the husband thinks that it makes sense to reject her opinion or he thinks that her view is mistaken, he has to be kind in the way in which he rejects her opinion or advice, and he should not accuse her of being silly or say that her opinion is worthless, and he should explain to her what is correct, as much as he can.

Look at the story of Al-Hudaybiyah and what happened there, then you will understand the value of consulting a wise and smart woman.

When the Prophet (salAllahu 'alayhi wa salam) made a treaty with the Quraysh and agreed to go back, and not enter Makkah that year, he said to his companions: “Get up and offer your sacrifices.” But not a single man among them got up, until he had said that three times. When no one got up, he entered upon Umm Salamah and told her what had happened with the people. Umm Salamah said: “O Prophet of Allaah, is that what you want? Go out and do not speak a word to any one of them until you have slaughtered your sacrifice and called your barber to shave your head.” When he did that, they got up and offered their sacrifices.

Al-Haafiz ibn Hajar (radiAllahu 'anhu) said: This points to the virtue of consultation, and that it is permissible to consult a virtuous wife.

Also think about the story of Moosa (Moses, 'alayhi salam), and how Allah caused him to be raised in the house of Pharaoh, and how much blessing there was in the advice of Aasiya, the wife of Pharaoh (radiAllahu 'anhu), of whom Allah says:

“And the wife of Fir‘awn (Pharaoh) said: ‘A comfort of the eye for me and for you. Kill him not, perhaps he may be of benefit to us, or we may adopt him as a son.’ And they perceived not (the result of that)” [al-Qasas 28:9]

In the same surah there is the story of the two women at the well of Midyan, and how one of them said to her father:

“ ‘O my father! Hire him! Verily, the best of men for you to hire is the strong, the trustworthy’” [al-Qasas 28:26]

Look at how wise she was, and how she knew who was the best qualified to be hired and entrusted with work, and what a great blessing this advice brought to her family.

So, the men shouldn't overlook their wives' advice or suggestions. Cooperation with each other in life is part of marriage. Sharing everything with each other.

May Allah put mercy and love between the spouses of our ummah, ameen.


ireminisces said...

Walaikum asalam warahmatulahi wabarakatuhu
The answer to the title of this post is Yes.

Aasiya Maryam said...

Walaikum Assalam!
MashaAllah wonderful post sis and love the new look of the blog! :)

Claudia Simoes said...

hehe, sis Dana designed it. I'm not so good with designs =P

Salwa Muslimah Solace said...

Asalam waliykum,

Yes the husband should listen to her advice... should he act on it. well that depends if he agrees with her. He does not have to act on her advice.
I think most women do get to advice their husband but they get upset when they do not then act on their advice. And i think the wives need to chillax a bit. In islam men are not obliged to seek our advice, but they do so to be kind but if they do not act on it does not mean they are bad husbands. I have seen this a lot with younger wives like those my age (20-30). The women express their vies then throw a tantrum when the husband does opposite.

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